azurelunatic: A glittery black pin badge with a blue holographic star in the middle. (Default)
[personal profile] azurelunatic posting in [community profile] earwormhole
So someone showed this off, with extensive commentary, giggling, and WTFery about the amount of innuendo packed into such a sweet little song. And naturally I played it several times, because oh my. AND THEN IT STARTED PLAYING ON ITS OWN IN MY HEAD. OF COURSE.

Transcription & lyrics:

A pale hand knocks on a door with a "No Admittance Backstage" sign.
A bald, tan, hawk-nosed, big-chinned, frowning and scowling huge mountain of a man opens the door.
He sees a trio of women in superhero costume facing him: Catwoman, Black Canary, and the Huntress. Black Canary winks. His eyes widen. In a flash, she kicks, and he topples to the floor. All three creep in past him and up a shallow flight of stairs. They pause in front of the curtain that lines the passage. Catwoman touches the curtain to part it and peer through. The curtain draws back. The three stand exposed in the light.
Black Canary: "Woops."
The camera pans to show that they are onstage in a club, with a large (mostly light-skinned and tan crowd) sitting at tables, looking directly at the stage. A waiter pauses carrying a tray; he is about to serve the enormously muscular Bruce Wayne, who is accompanied by a woman sitting on either side of him at his table, and a pair of redheaded male and female bodyguards in white suits.
Black Canary: "Oh, big woops."
The bodyguards reach into their jackets, but are stopped by a hand motion from the otherwise-impassive Bruce.
Huntress: "Any ideas?"
Catwoman: "Just one." She gestures to the side, and the camera pans to reveal the band at the side of the stage, a quintet (piano, trombone, saxophone, horn, drums), of dark-skinned men in white suits with black lapels. "Hit it!"

The band strikes into a song, and Catwoman marches forward into a convenient spotlight as Huntress and Black Canary look at each other in a certain amount of dismay (and perhaps stage fright). Choreography ensues.

[Catwoman]: Good evening all you gentlemen,
mobsters, creeps and crooks.
[Huntress]: Men in tights come after you,
and still you're off the hook.
[Black Canary]: For those who scare and terrorize,
it's the dawn of a brand new day.
[All]: You scum can simply call us
The one and only Birds of Prey

Bruce's right-hand dinner companion looks profoundly unamused. Bruce sits watching impassively.

[CW]: Green lantern has his special ring.
[BC and H]: Pretty strong that little thing.
[BC]: Blue Beetle's deeds are really swell.
[H]: But who will bring him out of his shell?
[CW]: Flash's foes, they finish last.
[H]: Too bad sometimes he's just too fast!

Bruce continues impassive. His bodyguards look pretty fucking amused.

[All]: While all the boys can always save the day
No one does it better than the Birds of Prey.
(The one and only birds of prey)
While all the boys can always save the day,
No one does it better, no one does it better, than the Birds of Prey.

[CW]: Green Arrow has heroic traits,
that is when he's shooting straight.
[BC]: Hey!
[CW]: I'm just saying...
[BC]: Aquaman's always courageous.
[H]: His little fish, less outrageous.
[BC]: Plastic man can expand,
[CW and H]: Becomes putty in our hands.

A shot of the mostly-male patrons of the club. Many are grinning. Some are nodding their heads to the beat. A few look uncomfortable, and one is outright scowling. Bruce continues impassive.

[All]: While all the boys can keep you punks at bay
No one does it better than the birds of prey
[Bruce's bodyguards]: (The one and only birds of prey)
While all the boys can always save the day
No one does it better, no one does it better, than the Birds of Prey.

The band has a solo. Black Canary clasps her hands together with index fingers extended like a gun, and points her fingers at Bruce. Bruce raises an eyebrow, the only time he shows visible emotion on his face.

They stalk offstage, and surround Bruce, Catwoman yanking the right-hand girl away. "Hey!" she protests.

[CW]: Batman throws his batarang.
What a weapon, what a bang. [She strokes his shoulder.]
[BC]: Check out that utility belt.
Sure can make a girl's heart melt. [She leans on him from the other side.]
[H]: He's always right there for the save.
I'd like to see his secret cave.

[All]:While Batman does things in his special way,
He'd do it better with the Birds of Prey.
(The one and only Birds of Prey)

They retreat back to the stage. Bruce's expression continues blank for this entire sequence.

While Batman always seems to save the day,
No one does it better
No one does it better than the Birds of Prey.
Birds of Prey...
[CW]: Meow.

[end clip]

(Many thanks to [ profile] Shadowycrafter for transcribing the lyrics first, and identifying the singers.)

And for those who missed all the innuendo:
Green Lantern: size doesn't matter, it's what you do with it!
Blue Beetle: very shy
Flash: premature ejaculation
Green Arrow: possibly philandering, possibly gay or bisexual
Aquaman: Tiny!
Plastic Man: erectile dysfunction

The peanut gallery is unsure whether "I'd like to see his secret cave" means pegging or fisting for Batman.
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earwormhole: a worm listening to an iPod; the worm is in an ear that turns into a wormhole.  (Default)

January 2013


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