I wish I was ... Wait.

[azurelunatic]

I have been massively earwormed all evening with the Bloodhound Gang's "I wish I was queer so I could get chicks". (It's also about the effects of homophobic bullying, besides a straight teenage guy who wants to get laid.)

Why?

I just now figured it out.

It is pea season. There is a fry-up I do with potato, cheese, peas ... and sausage. So I bought some sausage.

Jimmy Dean.

Comments

[pauamma]

Uh... what?

[azurelunatic]

The lyrics, which I was too on my phone in bed to search up last night:

"I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks"

If your ass is a Chinese restaurant I'll have the poo-poo platter
My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec. class
Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass
I said guys I'm like you I like Monster Trucks too
Wanna see how many push-ups I can do?
I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be
Incognito as gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo phony
Maybe it's a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity
But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry
Scoring with a super model would be easy
Cause 'super model' means voluptuous but is also is synonomous with 'super dumb'
Ya see I'd be a good listener so she'd treat me like a sister and soon I'd become
That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair
No it wouldn't be a week before I'm in her underwear
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
Doesn't matter what I'm packin' in my denim it's what's in my genes
The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made by Jimmy Dean
See I'm not to keen on the smell of Vaseline
No I'm not Princess Di and I don't wanna be a queen
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks

Anyway if I were gay I'd have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis
Hang out with my mom's hair stylist his name is Kip he's got a lisp he talks like this
And wear my mother's lingerie learn the songs of Broadway
And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant garde ballet
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
And I don't shave my heiny
Don't shave my heiny
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly

[pauamma]

I assume there is some kind of link between those lyrics and your yearning for peas+potato+cheese+sausage stirfry, and between that yearning and Jimmy Dean, but I'm utterly lost.

[azurelunatic]

It's pea season. I got the missing ingredient in the dish, which was the sausage; the common brand is Jimmy Dean. Which is the sausage mentioned in the song. Which is why I found myself with the song in my head last night.

[pauamma]

I ... think I'm enlihtened now. Either that, or I have a headache. Or both, maybe. :-)